Solitude

This year has probably been the longest I have ever spent living alone.  I come from a family of five, with two older brothers, and always had a friend that I would see on a daily basis.  Now being alone for so long, I have come to a few new understandings about life.

Some things may seem important, but in most cases, they are not relevant.

Look, it’s understandable that you want a good car, but it is not so important to get a Mercedes over a Hyundai.  Both these cars will do the same thing,which is get you from point A to point B.   Unfortunately, our ego makes some of the worst decisions and usually keeps us out of sight of what is really important.  In the case of most people my age (28 years old), there is an importance to be in a relationship.   Relationships, cars, clothes, are things we use to seek status, and these are the wrong things to concentrate on as you will find these things do not bring happiness.  So are you happy?  What will make you happy?  If buying that Mercedes is that important, are you ready to handle the stress of supporting it?  Maybe the person in your life has relationship with you because of the material need, what if you loose your job, will you still have that person?  Then when you reach that end ask yourself, are you really happy?  The Mercedes looses its relevance in sustaining your happiness because your happiness never existed.  In the end, when you have nothing, the things of importance will present themselves.

People will come and go, but the most important people are the ones you will have for the rest of your life.

I have traveled the world, three major continents, many countries, and many states.  In those travels I have met so many incredible people, and many different personalities.  The only people I know who have been always there is my family.  I don’t care how mad you can be at a parent or a sibling, you will only have them once.  To see a family member leave the world, is a painful thing, but more painful knowing that a little of you die with them.  These people knew you when you were young, and are really the closes thing to your past.  Love and treasure each moment you have with them and yes you can always make time for them.  As for my best friends personally (Adam and Jessica) have been with me through the worst of times in my life.  I will never forget their compassion and their support they have always given me.  These friends are a rare thing.  If you come along people like this in your life, don’t take them for granite.

Bad things happen, sometimes you have to say “Fuck it”.

It was basic training, I was on the rifle range trying to do qualification.  I was having a very hard time using the weapon for the first time.  My drill Sergeant was seeing me getting fustrated with my score, and saw how unnecessarily upset it was making me.  He pulls me aside, and says “What the hell is wrong with you ugly?  You know it’s just a rifle, that’s just a range, so you didn’t make qual?  Just say Fuck it, so what?  You may have not made it this time, but you will try again the next time.  Fuck it!  Now, get yo ass out there ugly, if you don’t finish before the sun drops below the trees I’m going to shoot you, there’s your motivation.” In his rather crass explanation he had a very important point, sometimes we get so wrapped up in such small things, we let these things stress us out. In extreme cases, we sometimes look for a permanent solution to a temporary circumstance (like suicide).  So when you run into a few bumps, just say “Fuck it” and move on.

Honesty will make everything easier.

I am not a religious man, but one thing is true from the bible, “the truth will set you free”.  I was for many years, not always morale and ethical towards the way I treated people.  Being up front is one of those things I was not able to do.  The one thing I learned in my solitude, from reflecting on the way I treated people in the past, I saw what type of person I was being.  I am not happy with some of things I have done, and some of the relationships I lead on without doing the person the favor by telling them I didn’t care for them.  It is safe to say, I probably destroyed some really good relationships with such reckless accountability, and with that, I wish to go forward with honest actions.  You have only one life to live, there is no red0.

So I was leaving Baldwin park when I saw an old lady push an walker full of groceries.  She appeared to be in horrible condition, to be pushing her walker cart full of groceries back to her house.  At first I did nothing and moved along.  One of my aspirations in my life is to help people.  Too many times opportunities to help people may not be very apparent, or convenient, and with that we do nothing about many problems. This was my opportunity to not let such a moment past, an opportunity to be a better person.  So I approached the older woman and asked her if she needed assistance, luckily she lived right around the corner, and thank me for the offer.

The only advice I can offer to someone who lives in solitude, is use that time to know you.  There will be things that you will learn about yourself, that you would never been able to explore by being with another person.